Monday, October 09, 2006

Bad Pick-Up Lines

Last weekend, my family and I trekked to the Maryland Renaissance Faire. After the long drive, we arrived, parked, and spilled out of the car. My son, Venger Jr., looked decidedly glum. I chided him with comments about it not being the end of the world to spend the day with his parents at the Faire to which he responded that he was not depressed but that he didn’t feel well, having a sore throat for two days. Great. Now he tells me, after a two hour car ride. There wasn’t much I could do about it at that point.

Stuck for the day with a somewhat under-the-weather son whose body we really didn’t want to overtax, we chose a theatre with a great lineup of shows (three of which were Shakespeare’s Skum performances) so he could enjoy himself while resting rather than wear himself down walking around all day. He laughed a lot--we all did-- so apparently we had made a good choice.

The weather was supposed to be nicer in Maryland than it actually was, which was partly why we chose the Maryland Faire rather than the Pennsylvania one. Dressed in jeans and a short sleeve shirt, I was decidedly glad I had brought a jacket as well. As easily as I become cold, I really needed it. It still was not quite enough.

Once we had determined that we had received our money’s worth and that the kids’ attention was flagging, we decided to leave. I decided to visit the privy before exiting the park-- not that I wanted to, mind you, but a two hour drive with no pit stop seemed an impossibility. The “fam” walked on ahead.

I stood in line, dreading the ordeal that awaited me. Apparently, I looked chilly since an attractive man behind me commented, “You can’t possibly be cold.”

“Oh, yes I can,” I replied. He was just trying to make conversation, so I didn’t think much more about it and was happy enough to banter while awaiting my appointment with doom.)

He: “What-- are you from Arizona?”

I: “No, but perhaps I should be.”

He: “How can you be cold?”

I: “Um, well, there’s really not much to me. I’m often cold.”

He: “You need to bask in the warmth of a sexy man.”

I kid you not. That’s what he said. Knee jerk reaction would have been to reply, “And where, pray tell, would I find one of those?” But not practiced in meanness, I stifled the urge. Besides, it was amusing. Normally, at such a point in a conversation, I make mention of my wonderful husband just to let the guy know that I am happily attached. It just wasn’t worth it and would have taken more energy than I cared to expend. Instead, I turned back around and actually hoped that a privy door would open very soon as I was next in line. Imagine-- actually hoping for such a fate. Privies are utterly disgusting near the end of the day.

Afterwards, I found my family and laughingly told Mr. Venger of my encounter. “Honey, Honey, guess what…” He shook his head and sighed, “Yep. It’s time to go.”

Vengerette, catching part of the conversation, demanded to know what I said so I repeated myself. She shook her head and shuddered since her mom is, well, her mom.

Venger Jr., off in his own world, had by now noticed we were giggling about something. He had caught enough of the gist, apparently. He looked at me and said hesitatingly, “I don’t want to know, do I?”

“Probably not, sweetie,” I told him. He just shook his head.

Now, why am I telling you this tale, gentle reader? Because this was, in my opinion, a bad pickup line from which we can all learn.

Maybe it’s just me, but men who know, or think they know, that they are “sexy” just aren’t to me. Guys who don’t know how attractive they are or at least don’t think much about it were always far more interesting to me than those who believed they were God’s gift to women, even back in middle school.

Furthermore, his comment said far more about what he thought about himself than about any charms I might possess. I guess he thought a woman should feel honored that he favored her with his attention? I’m just not sure. But a more effective tactic, should I have been in the “market”, probably would have been to involve me in a conversation about the Faire this year or some such thing that demonstrated his interest in my thoughts and who I am as a person. Of course, I have never inhabited bars so maybe lines like that are typical and effective and I just don’t know squat. But then again, I have always been a little different.

I would love to hear from you. Was this a mediocre pickup line or not? What bad lines have you heard? Which ones actually got your attention?


At 10/09/2006 10:08 AM, Blogger ColossusHube said...

Man, I think that was quite a lame line. I can totally understand how a guy inferring that he is "sexy" can be a turn-off ... it indicates ego. If he omitted "sexy" it would have been better... something like "Well, maybe you just need the warmth of a friendly companion."

Still, you should feel flattered. At our age something like that is always nice! ;-)

At 10/09/2006 4:30 PM, Blogger Christopher Taylor said...

Better line: "You just need some strong arms to snuggle you close."

How can a normal woman argue with that?

At 10/09/2006 5:27 PM, Blogger Anna Venger said...

Great line but depends on who says it.

At 10/09/2006 8:37 PM, Blogger CyberCelt said...

Here for C&C Monday.

The line sucked.

Its okay to just turn and say, "oh, but I do. My husband/boyfriend is very sexy." Then, if the door has not opened yet, I would have asked where he was from and made a new friend. He was trying to connect. Its hard to do these days.

I am glad I grew up in the 60s when free love reigned. We did not spend a whole lot of time making conversation... LOL

At 10/09/2006 9:23 PM, Blogger AnonymousOpinion said...

Last year, there was the coca-cola delivery man who stopped stocking shelves then followed me around the grocery store and begged me for name and my number.

I refused and needless to say, I don't shop at that Acme anymore.

Then there was the, "C'mon go out with me, I will ravish you!" line that I heard in D.C.

I haven't been back to D.C. since.

I don't think enough guys have the slightest idea of what registers on the creep-meter or possible-stalker alarm system.

At 10/09/2006 9:51 PM, Anonymous Andy said...

I think that different lines work for different kinds of people. I think that guy's line was ridiculous and laughable, but maybe someone who would really be into him would not. Takes all kinds, right?

Ok, maybe not, but I think some of what I'm saying is accurate. :)

At 10/10/2006 5:19 AM, Blogger Anna Venger said...


Yeah, guys who follow gals around insisting for phone numbers and demanding dates are really creepy. Does that kind of behavior really work? It makes me search for the nearest escape route.

But your DC line was really awful. Unbelievable.

At 10/10/2006 10:07 AM, Blogger Paul Smith Jr. said...

I'm reminded of a NewsRadio bit: Lisa is telling Joe he needs to woo Catherine.

Joe: "I've wooed plenty of women. It never works."
Lisa: "Well, what did you do?"
Joe: "Same thing as everybody else. You walk about 20 feet behind them yelling 'Whooooo! Whoooo!' but they always pretend they can't hear, even though you know they can. Wooing never works!"

NewsRadio contains the answers to alll of life's questions.

At 10/10/2006 11:17 AM, Anonymous Andy said...

I am going to start trying that!

At 10/10/2006 10:10 PM, Blogger Anna Venger said...

That reminds me of a time when I was walking down the street and a man across the street said several times, "Hello, pretty lady..." Although this was far, far better than cat calls or the "woooo" Paul mentioned, I ignored him. Finally, he said, "OK. I'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore." Of course at that point I felt bad and had to respond even if only to explain why I was not responding. Now, "wooo" on the other hand would never have gotten any response from me at all.

Question: Has a cat call ever actually resulted in a date? What is the point of "Hey, baby...etc"

At 10/11/2006 11:05 AM, Blogger Duffy said...

I really hope the guy was joking. I could see it working if he was being self-effacing.

I used to bartend so I've heard some really awful ones before. You name it, I've heard it.

One of my favorites: "You look like my ex-girlfriend but, like, fatter."

Nice one.

At 10/11/2006 5:07 PM, Anonymous Andy said...

Well, your question about cat calls getting results ties in with my theory. I am certainly no expert, but I do know that different people date for different reasons and for different ways. The most obvious one would have to be dating for the long term compared to dating for "hook ups". The methodology for initiating either has to be wildly different.

I am still going to stick with this "woo"ing approach. :)

At 10/11/2006 6:36 PM, Blogger Anna Venger said...

Yeah, well, good luck with that, Andy. Let me know how that works for ya. ;)

At 10/12/2006 7:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was younger and cuter, I ignored cat calls, but now I kind of appreciate them. I have always hated though, someone who tells me to smile as a pick up line.

At 10/14/2006 11:54 AM, Anonymous Nancy Willing said...

Better line: "You just need some strong arms to snuggle you close."

How can a normal woman argue with that?

ugh, it still implies that
you are available
you are interested
you are vulnerable
he is egotistical

At 10/29/2006 4:35 AM, Blogger CyberCelt said...

Here again for blogging chicks. The line still sucks.

At 10/29/2006 3:30 PM, Blogger Biker Betty said...

Seems like a mediocre pickup line to me. I think you handled it perfectly.

Here from Blogging Chicks.

At 10/29/2006 5:55 PM, Blogger Malissa said...

lol;) Sounds like bad line to me:)

Stop by my place on Wed to share your holiday traditions:)

At 10/29/2006 6:51 PM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

Although the pick-up line was lame - you should feel honored that he thought you beautiful to try and get you with it!!! hee hee

At 10/29/2006 11:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm thinking along the same lines as Karmyn.

Any pick up line at my age is greeted with disbelief and delight.

Well, it would be, anyway. Hee Hee

At 10/30/2006 2:00 AM, Blogger Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

good grief!

i hate arrogant men - ick!

At 10/30/2006 10:18 AM, Blogger Robin said...

I LAUGHED OUT LOUD when I read it. And that's exactly what I would've if I was standing in line "waiting" my turn. I wouldn't have meant to laugh, but that kind of insane remark would have EARNED it in my book. That being said, I would have been both flattered and repulsed (totally agreeing with how you described what makes a man sexy...).

Thanks for Carnivaling with the Chicks.

At 10/31/2006 9:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hysterical! I was just around this guy with Sex God Hair. You know what I mean. Swoopy hair that gets tossed back so often you think the guy is either on "take 455" of a shampoo commercial or is, well, having a spasm. I'm imagining him into your story and yes, I'd have run for the banos myself.

At 10/31/2006 10:09 PM, Blogger Pass The Torch said...

I seriously just can't even imagine that. Nuts! I guess I can count my blessings no one's ever used that line on me;)

Thanks for visiting my site today!


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