If Great Americans Had Been French...

Over on Right Wing News, a few of us have been engaging in some heartless but amusing French bashing. Big, a commenter, started it all with his whimsical "If Great Americans Had Been French" quotes.

By Big:

Vince Lombardi: "Winning isn't everything, talking about winning, well actually just talking is the only thing."

General Patton: "Remember men, no bastard ever won a war... and um, that's pretty much all I know about the matter."

Benjamin Franklin: "Those who would give up a little freedom for security should realize that the really important thing is giving up."

Then another commenter, Lumberjack, joined in with:

James Lawrence: "Don't give up the ship, well actually you can."

John Paul Jones:"I have not yet begun to fight, because I would rather surrender now and get it over."

David G. Farragut: "Damn the torpedoes, get us the hell outta here."

I couldn't resist and added:

Patrick Henry: "Give me liberty or... well, death scares me, so give me liberty or give me oppression. Whatever."

Nathan Hale: "I regret that I have to give my life for my country. Couldn't I just collaborate instead?"

General George Patton: "The object of war is not to die for your country...so if it looks like it's getting a little dangerous just surrender, okay?"

Anyone else want to join in the savagery?

P.S. The jokes started out as fodder for a new young blogger from Canada whose sole aim is to bash the French on his blog.

UPDATE: Here's an apparently real quote from Jacques Chirac as appeared on Word around the Net: "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"...

to which Rush Limbaugh responded: "As far as France is concerned, you're right."

UPDATE 2: By Clint:

John F. Kennedy: "Ask not what your country can do for you, just let us know if we're not surrendering quickly enough."

Gen. Douglas MacArthur: "I shall return, unless things get tough. Then I'll hide under the bed and send a letter of support."